Surfin USA

Well, it seems like the arguments about water boarding continues. While some try to draw a moral equivalency between what we do to extract information to the practice of beheadings, genital mutilation and beatings practiced by our enemies the threat of another massive terrorist attack is looming. The need to get information from jihadists when we catch them is a vital part of intelligence gathering. If we need to scare someone into telling us what they know lets get to it.

Torture! Its torture they yell. How can you strap someone to a board, throw a wet towel over their face and pour some water over the towel till the subject thinks he’s going to drown? Well, actually it’s pretty easy. All you need is a board, some duct tape or rope (either works fine), a towel, a bucket or watering can and some water. I would bet that it’s stuff that you already have in the garage or can get at a local Home Depot. Something else you may already have is a car battery and jumper cables. Strategically placed in an important part of the male anatomy and now you have real torture. And we are not doing that.

There is a big difference between true torture and what our interrogators are doing to try to get information that may save an American city from a chemical, biological or nuclear attack that could kill a whole bunch of your friends and family. The opponents of enhanced interrogations argue that torture is not effective because people will say anything to make it stop and you won’t get good information from them. Let’s say that that’s true. It seems that the two high value subjects that were subjected to water boarding did give us information that led to the capture of people directly involved in the 9/11 attacks. So either torture works or water boarding isn’t torture. You can’t have it both ways.

Let’s stop comparing ourselves to people who want to imprison and whip rape victims. Let’s stop fooling ourselves into thinking that if we are nice to the people who want to kill us maybe they’ll learn to like us and leave us alone. Let the experts continue to do their jobs in the shadows and getting the information they need to protect us. If that means a little time on the board or forced watching of Ellen reruns go for it. A little discomfort never killed anyone. A car bomb parked in the middle of Westwood or Columbus Circle will.

So load up the van, strap the boards to the roof and turn up the radio. I think I hear Brian Wilson… “Everybody’s going surfin… surfin USA”